Truth left unspoken
by SkaterSince2004
Summary: JAX & TARA centric series of one-shots/missing-scenes. Spoilers for all Seasons. Rated M/R for strong language/adult themes/smut. Some content might be in correlation with my other stories, 'The Night Everything Changed' & 'You And Me And Our Boys'. Please review!
1. Jax Teller's girl

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

X

Fandom: Sons of Anarchy

Pairing: Jax and Tara

Setting: Pre- Season 1/Episode 1 'Pilot'

Summary: Series of One-shots (missing scene from the show), not in chronological order!

X

Dr. Tara Knowles is staying fairly busy covering her co-workers shift in the emergency room tonight, but she really doesn't mind, because it makes the time go by quicker, or at the very least it seems that way to her.

Throughout the day she's seen patients ranging from all ages, races and genders, but now that it is much later in the evening, they are more of the _drunken-twenty-something-fighting-in-a-bar-variety_.

But then again, it shouldn't surprise her all that much, considering it is a Saturday evening here in beautiful Charming, and St. Thomas is in fact the closest E.R. that's open on weekends, near Lodi and even Rio Vista.

 _Jax is married, and he's going to be a father._ Even with all the hustle and bustle of the E.R., this thought still manages to creep its way into the forefront of her mind several times tonight, no matter how many times she tries to ignore and forget it, because it hurts. And Tara knows it will keep on hurting until she, too, manages to move on ... someway, somehow, like Jax obviously has.

Tara stands behind the main desk, near the E.R. entrance, and grabs the next clipboard in line. The nurses were very particular in the order they were organized in.

It isn't so much the time of someone's arrival at the E.R. that put them ahead of the crowd, but rather the severity of their ailment and it's urgency of treatment, is what determines how long anyone would have to wait. It is hospital policy, really, not just the random act of some disgruntled nurse that had not been treated too kindly up incoming patients.

So now, with clipboard in hand, Tara begins to step over to room number three, but stops short when she looks down and recognizes the name on the intake form. _What are the odds?_

Tara clears her throat, knocks and waits the appropriate amount of seconds before she opens the door and finally steps inside.

She has been smiling brightly up on entering, yet when her eyes take in the state her impromptu date from just last night is in, the smile quickly vanishes and is replaced by a horrified look of concern. "Oh my god, what happened to you?"

She had met him just last night, at a newer, small bar in Lodi, where she'd gone out with a few of her new co-workers, in yet another attempt to get her mind off of Jax and his expectant bride.

And it had actually worked, at least of a little while. He'd been just the right mixture of sweet and cocky, and good-looking with a chiseled jaw line, too. He had only moved to the area about a year ago, too, so he was still kind of new-ish here. They had talked for hours over some burgers, fries and a couple of cold beers, only to eventually part ways with phone numbers exchanged and the promise of a text or a call.

But now he was here, bleeding from his nose, and from the looks of it, it is undoubtedly broken. His lip is busted up, too, and has swollen up to almost twice its normal size. Then there is the distinguished darkening beginning to appear around one of his eyes, that will surely be a full blown shiner in just a little while. But what stands out the most to her, is the split open wound on his cheek, which she knows will need stitches almost immediately.

But all of his injuries don't in the least diminish his charm, or his good looks for that matter. It is all very _Brad-Pitt-in-Fight-Club,_ when his dark blue eyes look up to meet hers and he even now tries to crack the faintest of smiles. "Hey."

Tara slips quickly into doctor mode again, steps up to him, already slipping on a pair of purple latex gloves, carefully angles his face to get a better look at the cut, before she confirms the assessment she had already made in her head. "This is gonna need stitches." She shakes her head at him and pulls back enough to really meet his eyes once more, "What the hell happened to you?"

But she's not waiting for his answer, instead already methodically starting to clean up his wounds as if on autopilot, wondering momentarily what is keeping the nurse, who is supposed to assist her with this.

"Apparently you did, gorgeous." He answers her after a beat, even cracks another smile, as best as he can under the circumstances, when he meets her eyes.

Tara looks utterly confused for a second at what he'd said, but since she's noticed the smell of alcohol - albeit faint - on his breath, she chalks it up to alcohol and wonders just how much he's had to drink tonight. And then she wonders if maybe she should give him a banana bag I.V. to sober him up more quickly, before she begins to stitch up his handsome face. "You're drunk, aren't you?"

"I had one beer. So no, not drunk at all." He begins to shake his head, but then flinches for the first time since she's entered the room. "Maybe I'd be in less pain though if I was." He wonders out loud.

"Well, then what is going on, Tyler?" She tries to inquire yet again. "You're not making much sense."

"What's going on is that you forgot to mention last night, that you are Jax Teller's girl." Tyler answers without missing a beat this time, and if he is mad at what he is accusing her off, it really doesn't show on his face nor in the look he's giving her. He's curious, intrigued even.

 _'You are Jax Teller's girl.'_ His words cut through her like a scalpel. The words had been true once upon a time, she used to love when people had called her that. _Jax's girl. Jax's old lady_. But now they just hurt, because they're just not true anymore.

With the most serious face she can muster, Tara draws back, far enough to get a good look at him to see if he's being serious, meeting his eyes in disbelieve and confusion, but then she's just as quick to refute, and shakes her head. "I'm not. I haven't been his girl for the last ten years. Why would you even think that?" But the moment she asks that question, something suddenly dawned on her, and she puts two and two together. "Wait ... Jesus, did Jax do this?"

"Bingo." Tyler answers way too cheery for a man in his current condition.

Tara shakes her head, her heartbeat speeding up as she's trying to get her thoughts and feelings about this in order, not entirely sure what to say or how to react. "I'm sorry." She finally huffs out after much longer than seems normal.

On one hand she is feeling ashamed that this has happened to him, but on the other hand she is feeling ashamed for the butterflies she can suddenly feel in her stomach at the thought of Jax fighting over her.

She doesn't want to like it, but the fact that word of her hanging out with Tyler has somehow made its way back to Jax, and this was how he'd reacted, it elates her, even if she won't allow that elation to show openly on her face right now, ... because that would just be wrong.

But despite her poker face, she can't help the small voice that speaks up inside her head, wondering if maybe Jax does still care more about her than she thought after all?

"Don't be. _Boys will be boys!_ " Tyler replies in a very nonchalant manner, bringing her back to the here and now, then raises one eyebrow at her in a very animated way. "You know what's interesting though?"

"What's that?" Tara asks, all the while continuing to tend to his wounds, willing her thoughts of Jax away again.

"When I first moved to Lodi, a year ago, I hooked up with this hot blonde. And yes, I knew she was a little crazy, and a whole lot married, but what I didn't know at the time, was that she was Jax's wife. So he walks in on me naked with his wife, actually in the throes, and what do you think he does?" He pauses for just a second looking at her, but Tara just shrugs, feigning disinterest, while wishing she didn't have to hear this, so Tyler quickly carries on. "Jax sees us and he just turns around and walks away. But when he hears about me so much as just talking to you, I end up on the ground bleeding, needing stitches. Interesting, don't you think?" He eyes her curiously for a reaction on her part yet again, but she still refuses to give him one.

Tara tries to swallow the sudden dryness in her throat away as she thinks over what Tyler has just shared with her. After thinking about it for just a moment, it takes everything she has to not crack a smile at his words, but instead she furrows her eyebrows at him in mock concern. "I'm more interested in why you seem to be going after unavailable women?"

"Well,..." He starts, but instantly pauses seemingly for effect. "My four-hundred dollar an hour shrink says, it's because behind this rugged and confident exterior, I'm self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree." He full on smirks at her now, despite the pain that shoots through him as his torn skin stretches.

And this time Tara can't help herself, and actually returns the gesture with a smirk of her own, while her mind is replaying his earlier words. _'You're Jax Teller's girl.'_

X

Author's Note: This was inspired by a scene from Grey's Anatomy, picture Tyler as a younger Mark Sloan if you will. Please leave a review or a comment with your thoughts. Thank you.


	2. Spend the night amongst the dead

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

X

Fandom: Sons of Anarchy

Pairing: Jax and Tara

Setting: Season 1/Episode 13 'The Revelator'

X

When he first climbed onto his bike and took off, he wasn't at all sure where he was going to go. He was filled with so much self-loathing, knowing what he knew but seeing no choice than to keep it from his best friend. And at the moment it was clouding his mind from any rational thought, or at least so it seems.

So he drives, alone, just him, his bike, the cold wind in his long hair and the cigarette hanging from the right corner of his lips, the corner that isn't still bleeding.

The Club he loves, the Club he's devoted his whole life to, is falling apart before his very eyes. Clay and Tig thought Opie had turned rat, wanted him dead, and had tried to kill him, but in some tragic twist of fate they'd killed Donna by mistake instead.

And all of it without a Club vote, without bringing it to the table, behind everyone's back. And then Clay had lied right to his face, father to son, denying it all. But instead of creating deeper doubt and confusion, Clay's denial has somehow done the opposite, and Jax is finally able to see him for the liar that his step-father truly is. He is finally able to see the ugly truth!

So how is he supposed to come to terms with all of that? How is he supposed to sit at the same table as them? How is he supposed to climb onto his Harley tomorrow morning, and ride alongside Opie and the rest of them, to accompany Donna's body to the cemetery? He just can't, because the hatred he feels at this moment for Clay, and also Tig, is simply beyond measure.

Nothing makes sense anymore. The patch and what it once stood for is now representing nothing but lies and betrayal. And those lies are eating him alive as he continues to drive through the cold of the night by himself.

And then the realization hits him, that he has nowhere left to go.

The thought of returning to the clubhouse at the moment seems unfathomable. He's left Tig bloody and beaten back at the safe house, and he isn't sure what he'll do right now if he came face to face with Clay, or even Tig again, in the state of mind he finds himself in right now.

But he can't bring himself to go home either, not after the mess he's made with Wendy ... again. Sleeping with her last night, after Donna died, it was a mistake. He wasn't in his right mind, he wasn't just hurting for Opie, but he was hurting himself. Donna has been his friend too, he's been there for her as much as he could through the five years Opie had been in Chino. He loves Donna in his own way!

And Wendy knew that too. He is no fool, he knew full well that Wendy was taking advantage of his moment of heartbreak and weakness, when she took his hand and led him to the bedroom. And in turn he'd taken advantage of her as well, when he'd shut his mind off and sought solace in her. But that was all that it was, a moment of weakness, anything to quiet his mind and numb his heart from hurting the way it was, even just for a little while, no matter the consequences. _A sad time-out!_

But in the midst of it all, it happened all over again, like it always did, with anyone ... her blond hair had turned brown, her brown eyes were suddenly green, and her tanned skin turned almost porcelain in color, when he closed his eyes and all he saw was someone else in his arms altogether. _Tara! Always Tara!_

It was always easier that way. And as they drifted off to sleep last night, and he dared to let his mind go back to Wendy, he felt like such a goddamn hypocrite, the more he thought about it. Because mere hours earlier he'd told Tara that he didn't want to do anything to set her off again. _'Look, Wendy's like a heartbeat sober.'_ But his own words didn't seem to matter, Wendy's sobriety didn't seem to matter, when he'd fallen into bed with her, in his selfish need to feel anything other than what he was feeling in that moment.

But of course, like predicted, Wendy was hoping this was a new start for them, and wanted to try again. He had tried to tell her that all it had been was _'a hard night',_ but she begged for yet another chance. He knew in his heart that their relationship would lead nowhere in the end. _'We've been through way too much shit!'_ But he lied yet again, his guilt eating him up inside, and let her believe that if she managed to stay clean, she stood a damn chance. What else could he really say to her, after all, she was _like a heartbeat sober!_

But now, with the wind mercilessly hitting his face, he can't help but think back on it all. All his own mistakes, all his own lies!

All the lies he'd told Wendy, and the truths he'd shared with Tara earlier today, and where it is all leading in the end. The woman he doesn't want is pushing to get closer, and the woman he desperately wants is pulling away!

When he'd gone to see Tara earlier at the hospital, he wasn't really sure what he thought to gain from it. He was worried, of course, after the way they'd left things the night before. And then there was also the guilt he was feeling for what had happened between Wendy and him.

But he supposed the real reason that had brought him back to her was that he just wanted to be in her presence. After seeing Opie hang onto Donna's bloodied body lying on the pavement before them, he just wanted to know that the woman he loved was still alive and breathing. Like the selfish asshole that he was. _Shame on me!_

Then Tara crushed him when she revealed her plans about going back to Chicago. And even though he knew he had no one to blame but himself, he still lost his cool in the sudden rush of panic that threatened to overwhelm him at the thought of really losing her yet again.

The difference in his feelings for Wendy and her couldn't have been more blaringly defined than they were in that very moment. There was simply no more denying them another second longer. They were screaming inside his head, demanding to be heard, demanding to let himself feel them, demanding to be let out. _To let her in!_

On one hand he had Wendy, who was still his wife, the mother of his child, and who wanted nothing more than to be with him again. She was by far the easier choice, because she wasn't capable of breaking his heart since she has never truly had it in the first place.

And on the other hand was Tara, who he'd hurt, more than she even knew in this moment, and she was ready to leave him yet again, and with it crushing all his hopes and dreams about a second chance with her.

But how was she supposed to know that? How was she to know how he truly felt about her, when all he'd done was keep her in the dark about his true feelings, about _'whatever-this-is'_?

So he had to speak up, had to speak his mind and tell her all he felt, because he'd regret it if he didn't and let her leave him yet again like she had eleven years ago. Keeping Tara at arm's length for the sake of his heart, not wanting to be hurt again, was simply not an option anymore, or he'd lose her for good this time.

So as he aimlessly drives around the streets of Charming, his mind goes back to her once more, and it shouldn't be a surprise when he finds himself pulling into her driveway again.

He cuts the engine of his Harley, sitting still for a just a moment, contemplating his next move as he finishes the last of his cigarette. The Cutlass isn't in the drive, the house is dark, and he fears for a moment she's already split, but then logic eases his mind, telling him that's unlikely, or at least he hopes it is.

All he knows is that he can't let that happen, can't let her leave town and his life again, not like this, but at the same time, he also knows he can't lie to her any more either. He's dealt with enough lies for today, not wanting to juggle another one, one that he knows will ultimately come back to haunt him anyhow, knowing Wendy.

He steps onto the front porch, trying to peek inside, but there is nothing to be seen without a single light on. He walks around the side of the house, climbs over the old wrought iron fence, a wave of nostalgia hitting him square in the chest, and he feels like it's been a million years ago now since he'd done so as a teenager. He reaches the back patio door, the one that leads to the hallway that is right outside her bedroom door, the one she's sneaked him into countless times without her old man being none the wiser. This memory temporarily brings a sad smile to his face, because so much has happened since then.

He looks around the small flowerbed to the right of the patio. At its prime it had been filled with plants and flowers that Tara herself had planted, but now it is nothing but overgrown weeds and dead grass. Just another visual reminder how everything has gone to shit the moment she'd left the last time around!

It is dark, he can barely make out a thing, and the faint light coming from the screen of his old prepaid he is trying to use as a make-shift flashlight of some sorts doesn't help in the least. So he has no choice but to simply feel his way through the shrubs, looking for the plastic faux rock that old-man-Knowles has always kept a spare key in back in the days.

Jax actually smiles this time when he finally finds it, shaking it to ensure the key is still left inside, but suddenly hoping the locks hasn't been changed in the past decade, or this dig through the dirt has all been for nothing.

He swipes his hands down his jeans, wiping off the loose dirt, before he steps back onto the porch and tries his luck. The key fits in the lock, but barely budges at first, and it takes several tries of wiggling it back and forth before it finally turns all the way and does what it is intended for.

Jax slips the key down his jean pocket and closes the patio door behind him, before he ventures further into the dark house. He pushes the door to Tara's bedroom open further, the hinges creaking in the dark, flicks on the light to his right when he steps inside and is immediately confronted with his worst fucking fear. There, by the foot of the bed stand two packed bags already, and panic rises over him again, washing over him like a big wave threatening to swallow him whole at the mere sight of it.

A vision of her starting to pack the instant she'd gotten off of the phone with the hospital back in Chicago this morning begins to cloud his mind. Or maybe she started even as early as last night, after she'd stormed out of his house? She isn't one to procrastinate, that much is clear.

He has driven her to this, and if he'd just let her in right from the start, instead of keeping her in the dark, this wouldn't have happened. She would've never felt the need to kiss him like she did right there in front of Wendy, because she would've felt secure enough in their relationship. And she wouldn't have lashed out like she had, and in turn their fight and her running and him spending the night with Wendy would've never happened.

All of this is his fault, and his alone! How different things would've been had he come here last night instead? But what kind of father would he have been had he not returned back home the same night his newborn was spending his first night there as well.

Jax sighs deeply, at a momentary loss about what to do and sits down on the edge of the bed, lighting another cigarette, hoping it will ease some of the tension he is feeling, the panic that is clawing at him. He checks the time on his old prepay, wondering if she is still at work this late ... and if not, then where the hell is she?

He takes another drag, gets up just to drop all the way down to the ground, sitting with his back against the wall next to her closet, so he can use the palm plant sitting in the corner beside him as an ashtray, while he takes in all of her bedroom again.

As his eyes roam the room, he can't help but think of the countless hours he's spend with her in these four walls when they were teenagers, and he finds himself smiling at the memory.

But then his smile falters just as fast again, thinking suddenly of the last time they'd made love in here just two nights ago. Jesus Christ, it has only been two goddamn nights ago?

Just yesterday morning he'd woken up right here in this bed, with her securely in his arms, and his heart constricts painfully in his chest when he remembers her mumbling an _'I love you'_ against his chest while she'd still been half-asleep. _Why the fuck didn't I say it back? Why did I hold back? Why?_

X

When Tara had pulled up to the house tonight, she'd been looking for Jax, needing to elaborate on their conversation at the hospital earlier today. Yet his bike wasn't in the driveway, instead just Gemma's Caddy, and she quickly thought about turning around, but then the prospect that was standing guard outside the house had already seen her, so to save face she'd reluctantly gathered up the courage to step inside after all.

She still feels embarrassed for the way she'd acted last night, and also for the way Jax has treated her after, pulling her aside in front of everyone and the argument that followed. It wasn't one of her finer moments, to say the least. She'd played right into Gemma's cards, she knows that now, but still, it has been humiliating, and yet, here she is, apparently back for round number two.

No matter how hard she tries, she simply can't get Jax's words out of her head, how he only sees her when he is with anyone else. And also how he'd hoped her returning to Charming would mean a second chance for them. She just wished he would've opened up to her like that earlier, instead of waiting until the moment he thought he was losing her.

So now Tara sits awkwardly beside Wendy, watching Gemma pick up a sleeping Abel out of Jax's Ex-wife's arms to carry him to bed. Correction, Wendy is still Jax's wife, and she is the intruder in this new little family, feeling more out of place in Jax's home right now than she has the nights she'd spend at the clubhouse lately.

The moment Gemma disappears out of sight, Wendy turns her attention towards her, in a display of confidence she would've never expected the ex-junky to be capable of.

"Well, Abel's asleep now." Wendy says, keeping her voice level, her right hand absentmindedly playing with her oversized bracelets on her left arm as she looks at Tara with a fierceness she's never displayed before. "I get that you miss him, but I think you should go now." _Gemma would be so proud!_

Tara clears her throat, but never averts her eyes from Wendy's. "Actually, I think I'm gonna stick around. Wait for Jax." She says with as much dignity as she can muster, considering she feels like a fish out of water right now.

"Actually ..." Wendy repeats, "I think you should go." She turns towards her some more now, looking over at the brunette still sitting rather comfortably on the couch. "I realize Jax and you had a moment, but things are different now. He's still my husband, and we have a baby together now, and last night he made his choice."

Tara shakes her head, her cheeks slightly flushing as the embarrassment comes back to the surface. "I'm sorry for kissing him in front of you and everyone else last night, that was uncalled for, and the last thing I want to do is somehow set you off, make you fall off the wagon again. But that being said, Jax and I didn't just have _a moment!_ I know Gemma might have you believe that you could get him back, but even you have to realize that that is just her playing you against me."

Wendy shakes her head now, looking down at her hands, and twisting her rings around her fingers. "I'm not an idiot, Tara, I'm well aware of the games Gemma plays." She looks back up at her then, and Tara could swear she can see a touch of guilt flicker in the other woman's eyes. "But this isn't about that, it's about me and Jax. I'm sorry that I'm the one who has to tell you this, but last night, we spend the night together. We reconciled, and I'm gonna put in some time at the sober living place, and we're gonna try to make it work. Jax agrees that we owe it to Abel, to our son to make it work."

Tara quickly stands, not wanting to let Wendy see the tears she can already begin to feel pooling in her eyes now, and without another word nor look back, she simply heads for the door.

She hurries to her car and peels out of the drive, burning rubber as she speeds away faster than she should. But she doesn't want to be here when Jax shows up anymore. Doesn't want to see the both of them as some united front like yesterday in the hospital, while he confirms what Wendy has just said. _I'm so stupid ... how could I have been so fucking stupid?_

X

He can hear the front door unlock and open, just as he stubs out the last of his cigarette into the moistened ground of the oversized potted plant beside him. The moment of truth is here, he thinks to himself as he scrambles back to his feet to head towards the living room, meeting her halfway.

"Jax?" Tara calls into the darkness of the home the instant she steps inside after seeing his motorcycle parked outside her house. Since he isn't sitting on her front porch waiting, she's assumed he's found a way to get in.

"I'm here." He answers in the same moment she finally flicks the lights on in the living room, and they both freeze in place when their eyes meet across the small space.

She is taken back for a second by his busted up, bloodied lip, and the doctor, the healer in her wants to reach out to him and fix him right up. But she bites back the urge to help him when the sorrow and embarrassment she's just felt leaving his house is suddenly replaced by hot boiling anger.

"Breaking and entering, really? You know the last guy that did that got shot." She says rather coldly, as she carelessly, almost violently throws her bag down on the couch beside her.

Jax is clearly taken back, not just by her mind-boggling and uncharacteristic joke over the man they've killed, but also by the stone cold tone to her voice when she's said it. He doesn't understand where the sudden distance that he can so clearly feel between them has come from.

He runs a hand through his long disheveled hair, his eyebrows furrowing in concern when he tries to answer her in a level tone of voice. "It's not breaking in when you got a key." He says and produces the key out of his pocket for her to see.

"Give me that." Tara says, and quickly snatched it out of his hand, yet careful enough to not touch him in the process, then tossing it onto the marble coffee table with a clank instead.

"What do you want?" She asks, same cold tone of voice and a blatant sense of impatience mixed into it now as well.

"I need to talk to you." Jax answers, looking at her clearly baffled by the way she was acting.

Earlier at the hospital today, he could see that she at least felt some guilt about the fact that she was leaving again, and he'd foolishly thought that after everything he'd admitted, it might've even swayed her, make her rethink her decision to leave, but right now, the opposite seemed to be the case.

Tara folds her arms in front of herself, and shakes her head before she says, "I don't think there's anything left to say here, Jax. I've heard enough for tonight." His words from earlier in the hospital come back to mind, but so comes the revelation Wendy has just shared with her barely ten minutes ago, and it makes everything he's said to her obsolete. _Actions speak louder than words after all!_

Well, at least he knows that he truly has nothing left to lose by telling her the whole truth, considering how hostile she is already acting towards him now.

So he hangs his head, in defeat and in shame, when he takes a seat on the armrest of the old tan colored chair, ignoring her words altogether when he decides to tell her what he's come here to say. "Look, last night was a hard night, I watched my best friend cling to the dead body of his wife, the mother of his kids, and it crushed me, Tara."

Tara was just about ready to throw him out, but his words now cause her pause, and her facial features soften a bit upon hearing the sound of sincerity and utter heartbreak in his voice when he spoke. So she remains quietly standing across from him, arms still folded in a show of defense.

"I was really upset, ... really messed by the time I got home last night, and ... and I fucked up." He suddenly looks up at her then, his eyes pleading with hers. "I made a big mistake ... I slept with Wendy, and I'm so sorry."

"Okay." Tara answers, shrugging her shoulders in the most nonchalant way she can muster, refusing to humiliate herself in front of yet another person again. Her face was downright stoic, after all she already knows, so it is a hell of a lot easier now to react more dignified than when Wendy has filled her in on what had happened between her and Jax.

"You don't owe me an explanation about what you're doing and with who, so why are you telling me this?" It takes every ounce of willpower she possesses to not fall apart all over again right now, especially considering the look in his face as he's staring back at her. There's that same flash of disbelieve and panic in his eyes reflecting back at her now, that she's seen earlier in the hospital, but she can't let it get to her. She won't. _He made his bed, now he has to lie in it._

He doesn't like the way she sounds, and it breaks his heart to think she doesn't even care anymore. He hates that she's apparently written him off already, but he isn't leaving until he said what he came here to say. Lay all his cards on the table, so at the very least he'll have no regrets what she is concerned, when things don't turn out the way he hopes they will. "I'm telling you this, because I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to go back to Chicago. But I also don't want there to be some secret between us when we start over, that's why I told you the truth ... and that is what I want, Tara, I wanna start this part over with you, give us a real second chance."

This is everything she's wanted to hear him say since the moment they've ended up in bed together the night of Kohn's death. She's wanted him to commit to her, to this relationship, instead of leaving her in this undefined state of limbo he's called _'whatever-this-is'_ , but now it seems like it is too late. He's saved her from Kohn, and she'll always be grateful for that, but he's also gone and broken her heart, too!

Tara stands there, her eyes downcast now when she tries to swallow away the lump that has formed in her throat.

Jax watches her from just a few feet away, still perched on the edge of the chair, and he can see the reluctance and hurt in the features of her face and the stance of her body. He waits, hoping she'll say something in response, but then he takes that wish back the moment she finally speaks.

"I think ..." Her voice breaks for just a split-second, so she stops to quickly clear her throat. She takes a deep breath, then lifts her head to meet his eyes again, and apparently more determined she finishes her sentence. "I think you should go home, Jax, to your wife and your son."

His heart cracks wide open at the meaning of her words, and the determination in them. But there is no way in hell he is leaving now, leaving her like this. He just can't leave things between them like this, because she has it all backwards, whether she stays or not, no matter what, Wendy and him are through. "Wendy and I are done, babe."

"Sure." She replies nodding, her tone of voice condescending, yet a sad smile on her face now when she looks back at him.

"Don't do that." Jax suddenly stands, finally losing his cool when he just can't sit here and take another minute of her acting like she doesn't give a damn. He simply can't stand the thought of her not caring about him again. "You left me, shattered my heart into a million pieces and then grounded the shards in when you never even looked back! So I bought a house, and married Wendy ... I build a whole life, just to prove to everyone that I didn't love you anymore, that I didn't need you, that I didn't want you and that I didn't miss you anymore. But the truth is that I do, Tara! I need you, ... and I want you, and I miss you and I love you! And I'm so fucking tired of pretending that I don't." He steps up closer to her now, stopping right in front of her, and his voice is more quiet now again when he adds, "Please ... stay!"

Tara shakes her head and averts her eyes, tears pooling in them now and her voice raises an octave when she speaks, "Gemma hates me, and then there's Wendy ... you have a son with her. It'll never work."

"I don't give a shit about Gemma or Wendy, this isn't about them, it's about us ... we can make this work, babe, I promise." He reaches for her shoulders, trying to draw her closer but she flinches away, taking a step back towards the front door.

She looks up at him now, seeing the hurt expression in his eyes when she pulled away from his touch. "I love you, too. I always have and I always will. But I need to think about this. I guess it's my turn to take a minute." She opens the front door now, holding it open for him in a wordless request for him to leave.

"Yeah." The word comes out sounding raspy, his throat full of emotions he can barely contain, so he just Jax nods at her. The hurt and pain is showing openly on his face, when he zips his grey hoody back up, before his hand curls around the back of her neck and he presses a kiss to her forehead before she can stop him, on his way out the door.

He has nowhere left to go to tonight, so he stops at the nearest liquor store on his way to the cemetery, where he'll crash and spend the night, waiting for Donna's funeral procession to take place the next morning.

He might as well spend the night amongst the dead, because right now, that is how he feels inside! _Without her, he'll be dead!_

X

Author's Note: I've had this piece saved for some time, it just needed some touching up before I could post it. I always felt like there was a scene missing between them before they met again at Donna's funeral and this is basically my take on that scene. I hope you like it, and if you do, please leave me a few words. Thank you.


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